Teachable Moment Gone Awry

Have you ever thought about what everyday interactions teach children about the world? This is something that I wonder about often, albeit not in a losing sleep kind of way . . . most of the time.

Today we visited the local county fair. Picture the scene: thousands of people of all ages, everyone hyped up on sugar or alcohol, blazing hot and dry sun, the rodeo just ended so everyone is sauntering out into the crowded booths and children's activities. There are two eleven-year-old children with me as we approach the face painters. They have been talking about their plan to get their faces painted after the rodeo for most of the day. When we arrived, one of the face painters walked up and said, "We're closing now, but we will be back tomorrow." The two eleven-year-olds were disappointed but found the next thing they wanted to do without any adult intervention, it was a beautiful thing. I hovered around for a moment to see the next mom with her younger child, although still probably around 6 or 7 so not too young. This child started bawling. Hearing this, the other face painter came over and actually started painting a little on her face. Having realized the eleven-year-olds were wandering a bit further away, I left the scene, so I do not know how much paint the tantruming child received or anything.

Here is my unpopular opinion because I know that you are just dying to know what my initial thoughts were. Maybe, just maybe, we should not feed into a child's tantrum. I have heard numerous stories of this sort of thing happening when children have a tantrum. A stranger, no doubt thinking they are doing a great thing, steps in to give the child what they want. What does this teach? I cannot be certain, but I have some ideas. First and foremost, I think that it teaches that all you need to do to get your way is to tantrum. The long-term trajectory of that thinking plays out on social media and in real life all around us. Have a problem with someone's post, idea, or question? Throw a fit and get your way or better yet, get them canceled. When folks are criticized for their character or called names rather than engaged in meaningful conversation, that is a tantrum on the "adult" level. Yet this is what we see on a daily basis from the media and in real life. I believe this contributes to the lack of conversation we see today, especially politically. Vitriol and hatred are not communication or engagement; it is a tantrum.

The other idea is that it gives children a reason to rebel against their parents. Children will absolutely do that anyway, why contribute? Why try to save the child from their hard feelings and make the parent the bad guy? Not cool, y'all.

There are disappointments in life. Our job is to teach children how to handle the disappointments in a healthy way which does not involve emotional outbursts. The time to teach is early and often in a child's life when they are calm and can reassess the situation.

Let me know your thoughts!